conservative. God-lover. military-enthusiast. imperfect. confused. determined.
I have this concept, that I unofficially named the “Boy Scout Complex.” It’s probably best illustrated using a story: I’m in the Civil Air Patrol. For the sake of not running on and on, the best simple explanation I can give is that it’s the Auxiliary of the Air Force that does Search and Rescue missions, and trains cadets to become members of the Armed Forces later in life. We wear the USAF Uniforms, and have the basic structure of the military.
A few weeks ago we were asked to help do a flag raising ceremony, for their recently erected flag pole. So we showed up bright and early in our Class A’s, feeling proud of the looks we were getting. We looked professional, and were proud of it. All of a sudden I see this White cover get out of the car and stand up: A Marine Staff Sergeant was there to help us raise the flag. It went from “legit, legit, boy scout”. Bam. Boy Scout Complex. That feeling you get when you think you’re cool, until someone way cooler, or more popular, or “better” than you shows up.
- Treat with an apparent kindness that betrays a feeling of superiority.
My unofficial definition of the word is: treating someone like a child, when they’re trying so hard to pretend that they’re not.
I’ve dealt with this a lot. It comes from a lot of different places. Most of my friends are older than me, a couple by more than 6 years. They probably don’t even know they’re doing it, but I get “When I was your age…” a lot. When people look at CAP, a lot of them realize what we do, and how it actually benefits the community, but a lot of them see us as the wannabe military. That we pretend like we’re soldiers, when we’re not. We don’t, that’s not it at all, but people just don’t get that.
The problem is, we always dwell on the bad. I may have been thanked by the Adjutant General of Colorado for all we do, but if one person told me that I wasn’t adequate or would never get to the point in life that they did, I can’t help but dwell on it. To an excess.
The only way I can deal with it, is smile and think to myself, “Someday you’ll see that it wasn’t just talk. I really got where I wanted to get in life, whether you respected me or not.” Because, I’ve realized that the more I try to prove to people that I’m worthy of their respect, the more they will see me as a child trying to prove my worth. I don’t need to prove it to them, I just need to move on.
My God loves me and understands why I try so hard to impress people. I don’t need to try to impress him. I don’t have to vainly try to gain the respect of Jesus Christ. I just have to honor him, love him, and reflect his name in everything I do.