conservative. God-lover. military-enthusiast. imperfect. confused. determined.
For somewhat my whole life I’ve really wanted to become a doctor. I watched the surgery channel on TV when I was 3, and used a mirror to watch the doctor put stitches in my head when I was four. It also runs in the family, with 2 sisters-in-law in Medical School, and at least 4 medical professionals in my mothers immediate family. It seems like it’s the natural course for me to take. I’ve spent hours and hours on the internet researching schools, specialties, and employment opportunities. It was my plan, it was what I was ready to do with my life. There’s just one problem: I am horrible at biology. Now, we’re not talking “I want A’s, but I get B’s, I must be terrible.” We’re talking, I just dropped the class. In high school. It doesn’t make sense, and I fear it probably never will.
But there is one thing that is painfully clear to me. Every human being is born with the desire to be successful. I wanted to be a doctor, and I put so much time and effort into making that dream a reality, and now it seems like it’s all slipping away and falling apart at the seams. Does that mean I failed? No. Does it mean God is trying to point me in a different direction? I think so.
What scares me even more, I’m already coming to terms with the fact that this might not where I’m meant to be. It was such a strong passion, and now I’ve already moved on. Was it real to begin with? My God is the God who gives and takes away. I’m beginning to wonder if he removed the dream as if to say “You’re my child. That’s not where I want you. I want you to be so passionate about the life I have for you, you won’t even remember why you wanted to do all those other things that weren’t for me.”
I have a world of opportunities laid out at my feet, in this very moment. My future is in God’s hands, whether I pursue the medical field or not. My life is his, whether I become a doctor, lawyer, or soldier. 2012 is going to be a year for new opportunities, new horizons, and new dreams. And I know that as I take it on with full strength, my God is holding my hand and guiding my path with every step, and for that I am eternally grateful.